Funerals are solemn occasions where we gather to honor and remember those who’ve passed away. While most people understand the basics of funeral etiquette, sometimes folks can slip up and do things that are downright inappropriate. I’ve seen it all – from ill-timed jokes to inconsiderate behavior that leaves other mourners wondering what is going on.
In this blog article, I’ll share 18 things that have no place at a funeral.
Taking selfies
Snapping selfies at a funeral is extremely disrespectful. It shows you’re more focused on your social media than honoring the deceased. This behavior can upset the grieving family and other mourners. Remember, a funeral is not a photo opportunity – it’s a time for reflection and remembrance.
Inappropriate laughter
While some funerals may include lighthearted moments to celebrate the person’s life, uncontrolled or ill-timed laughter is offensive. It can appear as if you’re not taking the loss seriously or are mocking the situation. Be mindful of your reactions and, if appropriate, save any funny stories for the reception afterward.
Wearing bright or flashy clothes
Funerals typically call for somber, respectful attire. Showing up in neon colors or glittery outfits draws attention away from the deceased and can be seen as attention-seeking. Stick to darker, muted colors unless the family specifically requests otherwise. When in doubt, it’s better to be conservative in your clothing choices.
Bringing uninvited guests
Bringing unexpected plus-ones to a funeral can cause stress for the grieving family. They may have limited space or catering arranged for a specific number of people. It’s also intrusive to bring someone who didn’t know the deceased. Always check with the family before inviting additional guests, even if they’re your children.
Loud phone conversations
Having a noisy phone chat during a funeral service is incredibly rude. It disrupts the solemn atmosphere and distracts others who are trying to pay their respects. If you must take a call, step outside quietly and keep it brief. Better yet, silence your phone and return any urgent calls after the service.
Gossiping about the deceased
Spreading rumors or sharing negative stories about the person who died is extremely hurtful. This behavior can cause additional pain to their loved ones and tarnish their memory. If you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s best to remain silent. Focus on offering comfort and sharing positive memories instead.
Complaining about the service
Criticizing the funeral arrangements, whether it’s the choice of music, the eulogies, or the venue, is insensitive. The family has likely put a lot of thought and effort into planning the service during a difficult time. Keep any negative opinions to yourself and show appreciation for their efforts in honoring their loved ones.
Eating during the service
Munching on snacks or chewing gum during a funeral service is disrespectful and distracting. It shows a lack of engagement with the proceedings and can be noisy for those around you. If you’re hungry, eat before or after the service. Bring a small water bottle if you need to stay hydrated during a long ceremony.
Checking the time repeatedly
Constantly glancing at your watch or phone gives the impression that you’d rather be somewhere else. It can be hurtful to the family who are grieving and may interpret your actions as impatience or disinterest. Give your full attention to the service and schedule your day so you’re not rushed. If you absolutely must leave early, sit near the back and exit discreetly.
Making it about yourself
A funeral is not the time to seek attention or share long stories about your own experiences. Avoid monopolizing conversations or trying to one-up others’ grief. Keep the focus on the deceased and their immediate family. Offer brief condolences and be a good listener if others want to share their memories.
Asking invasive questions
It’s natural to be curious about the circumstances of someone’s death, but a funeral is not the place to satisfy that curiosity. Asking probing questions about how the person died, especially if it was under sensitive circumstances, can be extremely upsetting for the family. Wait for information to be shared voluntarily, if at all.
Taking photos without permission
Snapping pictures during a funeral, especially of the deceased or the grieving family, is generally inappropriate. It can be seen as invasive and disrespectful to people’s privacy during a vulnerable time. If you feel photos are necessary for some reason, always ask the family’s permission first and be discreet.
Skipping the receiving line
Bypassing the receiving line to avoid interacting with the grieving family is considered rude. Even if you feel awkward or don’t know what to say, taking a moment to offer your condolences is important. A simple “I’m sorry for your loss” or a brief hug can mean a lot to those mourning. Make an effort to acknowledge the family’s loss.
Arguing or causing drama
A funeral is absolutely not the place to air grievances or start family feuds. Any disagreements or tensions should be set aside to focus on honoring the deceased. If you have unresolved issues with other attendees, be civil and avoid confrontation. Choose another time and place to address any conflicts.
Excessive drinking at the reception
While some families may serve alcohol at a post-funeral reception, getting visibly drunk is disrespectful. It can lead to inappropriate behavior and is insensitive to those who are grieving. If alcohol is served, drink in moderation. Remember, the gathering is about commemorating a life, not having a party.
Ignoring customs or religious practices
If the funeral includes cultural or religious elements you’re unfamiliar with, be respectful and follow along as best you can. Refusing to participate or making negative comments about these practices is offensive. If you’re unsure about what to do, quietly observe others or ask someone for guidance beforehand.
Sharing on social media without consent
Posting details and photos or livestreaming a funeral on social media without the family’s permission is a breach of privacy. This event is deeply personal, and not everyone wants it broadcast online. Respect the family’s wishes and keep your phone tucked away. Focus on being present in the moment rather than documenting it.
Bringing inappropriate gifts
While bringing flowers is often acceptable, showing up with unsuitable gifts can be awkward and offensive. Avoid anything too cheerful, noisy, or unrelated to the occasion. If you want to offer something beyond flowers, consider donating to a charity the deceased supported or bringing food for the family. When in doubt, a heartfelt card is always appropriate.
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