Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s becoming more common in our society. It happens when someone tries to make you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memories. This can happen in relationships, at work, or even in politics. Many people experience gaslighting without realizing it, which makes it a tricky problem to spot and solve.
In this blog post, I’ll share 18 subtle signs of gaslighting that you might see in today’s world.
Denying events you clearly remember
The gaslighter says something never happened, even when you’re sure it did. They might say, “You’re imagining things,” or “That never happened.” This makes you doubt your memory and can be very confusing.
Shifting blame onto you
When something goes wrong, they always find a way to make it your fault. Even if they clearly made a mistake, they’ll say it’s because of something you did. This can make you feel guilty all the time.
Using your insecurities against you
They remember things you’re worried about and use them to upset you. For example, if you’re worried about your job, they might often say you’re bad at work. This can really hurt your self-esteem.
Trivializing your emotions
When you share your feelings, they say you’re overreacting. They might tell you to “calm down” or say you’re being too sensitive. This can make you feel like your emotions aren’t valid.
Changing the subject to avoid responsibility
When you try to discuss a problem, they quickly change the topic. They might bring up something you did wrong in the past. This stops you from solving the real issue.
Twisting words or events
They change small details about what happened to make you look bad. This can make you feel confused about what really occurred, and you might start to doubt your own memory of events.
Using loving words to cover bad actions
They say they love you or care about you, but their actions show the opposite. This mix of love and hurt can be very confusing. It might make you focus on the good words and ignore the wrong actions.
Making you feel grateful for basic decency
They act like you should be thankful when they do normal, decent things. For example, they might want praise for not yelling at you. This can make you feel like you don’t deserve basic respect.
Questioning your mental health
They suggest you might be “crazy” or “unstable” when you disagree with them. This can make you doubt your own judgment. You might even start to believe there’s something wrong with you.
Using collective pronouns to share blame
They say “we” when talking about their mistakes, like “We forgot to pay the bill.” This sneaky tactic makes you feel responsible for their actions. It can make it hard to see who’s really at fault.
Minimizing their hurtful behavior
When they do something wrong, they say it wasn’t a big deal. They might tell you to “get over it” or say you’re making a fuss about nothing. This can make you feel like your hurt feelings aren’t important.
Moving goalposts
They keep changing what they want from you. Just when you think you’ve met their expectations, they add new demands. This can make you feel like you’re never good enough.
Using your compassion against you
They act helpless or sick to get your sympathy when you’re upset with them. This makes it hard for you to stay angry or stand up for yourself. You end up comforting them instead of addressing the real problem.
Making you doubt your perceptions
They tell you that you’re seeing or hearing things wrong. For example, they might say, “That’s not what I meant” even when you’re sure of what they said. This can make you doubt your own senses.
Using others to back up their claims
They bring in other people to support their version of events. These people might not know the whole story. This can make you feel alone and unsure about what really happened.
Withholding information
They don’t tell you important things and then blame you for not knowing. This can make you feel stupid or out of the loop, but it’s a way of keeping control over you.
Projecting their faults onto you
They accuse you of doing things that they actually do. For example, they might call you selfish when they’re the ones being selfish. This can be very confusing and make you defensive.
Using your words against you
They might twist what you say to use it against you later, take things out of context, or exaggerate what you said. This can make you afraid to speak up or share your thoughts.
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