Memorial services are important events where people gather to honor and remember someone who has passed away. These occasions can be emotionally challenging for those attending, especially close friends and family of the deceased. Knowing how to behave appropriately at a memorial service is crucial to show respect and support.
In this blog, I’ll share some critical guidelines on what to avoid at a memorial service. Understanding these points can help you navigate this difficult event with grace and consideration for others.
Arrive late
Arriving late to a memorial service can be very disruptive. It shows a lack of respect for the deceased and their family. Late arrivals can disturb the service and distract others who are mourning. If you can’t avoid being late, it’s better to wait for a suitable moment to enter quietly. Always aim to arrive at least 10-15 minutes early to find a seat and settle in before the service begins.
Use your phone
Using your phone during a memorial service is extremely disrespectful. It suggests that you’re not fully present or engaged in remembering the deceased. The sounds and lights from phones can be very distracting to others. If you need to have your phone with you, make sure it’s completely silent and out of sight. In case of emergencies, step outside discreetly to use your phone.
Wear inappropriate clothing
Dressing inappropriately can be seen as disrespectful at a memorial service. Avoid bright colors, revealing outfits, or overly casual clothing like shorts or flip-flops. Generally, dark, subdued colors are most appropriate. Your outfit should be clean, neat, and modest. When in doubt, it’s better to be slightly overdressed than underdressed for such an occasion.
Talk during the service
Talking during the memorial service is very disruptive and disrespectful. It can distract others from their thoughts and memories of the deceased. Even whispering can be noticeable and bothersome in a quiet, solemn setting.
If you absolutely must communicate something, use a discreet note or wait until an appropriate break in the service. Remember, the focus should be on honoring the person who has passed away.
Take photos or videos
Taking photos or videos during a memorial service is generally considered inappropriate. It can be seen as intrusive and disrespectful to the grieving family. The service is a time for personal reflection and remembrance, not documentation. If photos are being taken, it will usually be done by someone designated by the family. Always ask permission before taking any pictures at or around the service.
Bring uninvited guests
Bringing uninvited guests to a memorial service can be very inconsiderate. The family may have limited space or specific wishes about who attends. Unexpected guests can cause logistical problems and may make some attendees uncomfortable. If you feel someone should be there who wasn’t invited, check with the family first. Respect the family’s decisions about who should be present at this intimate event.
Also read: 15 Things Women Aren’t Allowed to Do According To The Bible
Make it about yourself
A memorial service is not the time to seek attention or talk excessively about your own experiences. Avoid dominating conversations or sharing stories that aren’t directly related to the deceased. Don’t try to one-up others’ grief or memories. Keep the focus on the person being remembered and supporting their closest family and friends. If you need to talk about your feelings, find a more appropriate time and place.
Bring young children who can’t behave
Very young children or those who can’t sit quietly can be disruptive at a memorial service. Their noise or movements can disturb others and detract from the solemnity of the occasion. If you must bring children, make sure they understand the need for quiet and respectful behavior. Be prepared to take them outside quickly if they become restless or noisy. Consider arranging childcare if you’re unsure about their ability to behave appropriately.
Complain about the service
Expressing complaints or criticisms about the memorial service is highly inappropriate. The family has likely put a lot of thought and effort into planning the event during a difficult time. Your personal preferences are not important in this situation. If something truly problematic occurs, address it privately with the appropriate person after the service. Focus on supporting the grieving family rather than finding fault with the arrangements.
Leave early without a good reason
Leaving a memorial service early without a valid reason can be seen as disrespectful. It may appear that you don’t value the opportunity to honor the deceased. Early departures can be disruptive to others and may hurt the feelings of the grieving family. If you must leave early, try to sit near the back and exit as quietly as possible. It’s polite to explain your situation to a family member or close friend beforehand if you can.
Make jokes or laugh loudly
While some memorial services include moments of light-hearted remembrance, it’s important to be sensitive about humor. Inappropriate jokes or loud laughter can be very hurtful to those who are grieving. Pay attention to the overall tone of the service and follow the lead of close family members.
Argue or cause drama
A memorial service is not a place for family disputes or dramatic confrontations. Avoid bringing up old conflicts or starting arguments with other attendees. If there are tensions with certain individuals, do your best to be civil and keep interactions brief. The focus should be on honoring the deceased, not on personal disagreements. If necessary, ask someone to help mediate difficult interactions to maintain peace during the service.
Ignore the wishes of the family
The family of the deceased usually has specific wishes for how the memorial service should be conducted. Ignoring these wishes is disrespectful and can cause additional stress for the grieving family. This might include requests about attire, donations instead of flowers, or how to participate in the service. Pay close attention to any instructions provided and follow them carefully. If you’re unsure about something, it’s better to ask than to make assumptions.
Overindulge in food or drink
If refreshments are served after the memorial service, it’s important to consume them in moderation. Overindulging in food or alcoholic beverages is inappropriate and disrespectful. This isn’t a party or celebration, but a time for somber reflection and support. Excessive eating or drinking can make others uncomfortable and detract from the purpose of the gathering.
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