We all want to believe the best about our friends. But sometimes, the people we think have our backs are actually working against us. These so-called “frenemies” act like friends to your face, but behind the scenes, they’re up to no good. They might be jealous, competitive, or just plain mean.
Spotting a frenemy isn’t always easy. They’re masters at hiding their true colors. But if you pay attention, there are signs that your “friend” might not be as loyal as you think. Here are 13 red flags that could mean you’re dealing with a frenemy. If you notice a few of these, it might be time to rethink that relationship.
They’re Always Competing
A frenemy turns everything into a contest. If you get a new job, they’ll brag about their own career. When you share good news, they try to one-up you. It’s like they can’t stand to see you happy or successful. This constant competition can make you feel drained and insecure around them.
Backhanded Compliments
They say nice things, but with a sting. Like “Wow, you’re brave to wear that outfit!” or “Your new haircut makes you look so much younger!” These fake compliments are meant to make you feel bad about yourself. A true friend lifts you up, not tears you down.
They Gossip About You
You find out they’ve been talking about you behind your back. Maybe they shared a secret you told them, or they’re spreading rumors. When confronted, they might say they were “just joking” or “worried about you.” But real friends don’t air your dirty laundry to others.
They’re Never There When You Need Them
When times are good, they’re around. But when you’re struggling, they’re nowhere to be found. They always have an excuse for why they can’t help or support you. A true friend shows up when things get tough, not just for the fun times.
They Put You Down in Front of Others
A frenemy loves to embarrass you in public. They might tell embarrassing stories about you or point out your mistakes in front of others. This is a way to make themselves look better by making you look bad. It’s not playful teasing – it’s meant to hurt.
They’re Jealous of Your Other Friends
Whenever you hang out with other people, they get upset. They might try to turn you against your other friends or demand all your attention. This possessiveness isn’t healthy. True friends are happy when you have a rich social life.
They Only Contact You When They Need Something
You realize they only reach out when they want a favor. Maybe they need to borrow money, or they want you to help them move. But when you need help, they’re mysteriously busy. This one-sided relationship shows they see you as a resource, not a friend.
They Celebrate Your Failures
When something goes wrong in your life, they seem a little too happy about it. They might say they’re “just trying to help” by pointing out what you did wrong. But a real friend would comfort you and help you bounce back, not kick you when you’re down.
They Copy Everything You Do
At first, it might seem flattering. But then you realize they’re copying your style, your hobbies, even your mannerisms. It’s like they’re trying to become you. This isn’t admiration – it’s a sign they’re competitive and lack their own identity.
They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
After hanging out with them, you often feel worse about yourself. They might criticize your choices, compare you to others, or subtly put you down. A true friend should make you feel good, not doubt yourself.
They Spill Your Secrets
You tell them something in confidence, and soon everyone knows. They might claim it “slipped out” or that they thought it wasn’t a big deal. But sharing private information shows they don’t respect your trust.
They’re Two-Faced
To your face, they’re super nice. But you hear from others that they say mean things about you when you’re not around. This two-faced behavior shows they’re not genuine. A real friend is consistent, whether you’re there or not.
They Try to Control You
A frenemy might try to make decisions for you or guilt you into doing what they want. They get upset if you don’t take their advice or if you make choices they don’t agree with. This controlling behavior isn’t friendship – it’s manipulation.
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